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  • Joanne Toller

The Destructive Power of BPD Splitting

If you are in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder (BPD), there's a good chance you've experienced the destructive power of splitting. Splitting is a common defense mechanism used by people with BPD. If you are in a relationship with someone who splits, it can be challenging to know what to do.


BPD splitting is characterized by splitting behavior which means seeing people as either all good or all bad. BPD splitting can manifest in many ways, such as thinking that a partner is perfect and then suddenly seeing them as evil and trying to destroy them. BPD relationships shift between highs and lows. This type of behavior often leads to breakups and a feeling of constantly being on edge. Partners are often left feeling invalidated and unimportant, as if they're always walking on eggshells to avoid triggering their loved ones.


BPD splitting can also make it difficult for people with the disorder to maintain long-term relationships.



Signs that BPD splitting is happening in your relationship:


BPD splitting is a common defense mechanism seen in those with borderline personality disorder. It is a way to cope with emotions that are too intense or difficult to handle. If you are close to someone who suffers from BPD, it is vital to be aware of the signs of splitting so that you can better understand their behavior.


Here are some tips:


· They get caught up in black-and-white thinking

· They suddenly become abusive or break up in the heat of the moment

· They accuse or blame you for things they precieve you have done without any evidence

· They are not aware of how they treat loved ones

· They see themselves as the victim

· They become insecure or paranoid without apparent reason

· They read into things, misinterpret, or take things the wrong way

· They become impulsive or reckless

· They burn bridges



How to cope with BPD Splitting in your relationship


You may be struggling to cope with their outbursts, cutting remarks, and unpredictable behavior. It can be difficult to maintain a relationship with someone with BPD. Still, it is essential to remember that they are not intentionally trying to hurt you. People with BPD often have a very fragile sense of self, and they may act out to receive validation and attention. In some cases, they may even engage in self-harm or threatening behavior to cope with their inner turmoil.


Educate yourself: Learning about the symptoms and causes can help you to better understand your loved one's behaviors.


Encourage healthy coping mechanisms: Helping your friend or loved one find healthy ways to cope with their emotions can be beneficial. This might involve things like exercise, journaling, or therapy.


Be patient: Borderline personality disorder can be a complex disorder to manage, and there will likely be ups and downs. Try to be patient and understand that your friend or loved one is doing the best they can.


Be understanding: Try to understand where your loved one is coming from and why they might feel that way.


Set boundaries as needed: Borderline personality disorder can sometimes lead to manipulative or abusive behavior s. If you feel like you need to set limits to protect yourself, do so calmly and assertively.


Reassure them: People with BPD are often terrified of being rejected or abandoned. Knowing that you care can often reduce their splitting behavior.


Keep calm: Remind yourself that you are in a better position to control your temper. Engaging will only make the situation worse.


Support treatment: If you notice signs of BPD splitting in someone close to you, it is vital to get them help. Treatment for BPD can be life-changing and make a significant difference in the person's quality of life. Don't wait until things have gotten so bad that they cannot function daily; early intervention is key.



If you are struggling to deal with someone with BPD, reach out for help. Many support groups and resources are available to individuals with BPD and their loved ones. With the proper support, it is possible to build a healthy and happy relationship with someone with BPD.


If you find that you are no longer able to handle the stress of being in a relationship with someone who splits, it may be necessary to end the relationship. If you have to end the relationship, you can do a few things to make it as smooth as possible. First and foremost, be clear with your intentions. Let them know that this is not a decision you've made lightly but one that you feel is necessary for both of your sakes. Explain why the relationship isn't working and be honest about your feelings. Be prepared for an emotional reaction – they may try to convince you to stay or react angrily – but stand firm in what you believe is best for both of you. Finally, offer support during the separation period and let them know that you still care about their well-being.


If you think you might be dealing with BPD, or if you're concerned about someone close to you, feel free to call us at Nomina to learn more about how a comprehensive stay treatment plan could help. We want to see people with BPD thriving and would love to help you get started on the road to recovery.



The Destructive Power of BPD Splitting

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